Computer Survival Guide

That's Microsoft for you...

When using a computer, there are many dangerous things waiting to spill your blood. These come in many shapes and sizes and could strike at any time. So here’s my ultimate survival guide to using a computer.

Safety

1. Watch out for trailing wires, they’re always looking for an unsuspecting victim to trip up and laugh at. Make sure all of these menaces are safely and neatly tucked behind the unit.
2. Keep your food and drink away from your computer at all times, as one drop of “tea” or “ketchup” will render your unit useless. Well, maybe not one drop, but you get the idea. So take it to the kitchen, fatty.
3. Make sure your unit has plenty of breathing space, as getting too hot can cause suffocation of the computer , and you don’t want that kind of blood on your hands now, do you? Do you? Do you?! You do, don’t you, you sick bastard!
4. Be careful when testing your electrical equipment, they can give you one nasty shock that you won’t forget anytime soon.
5. Got an exit or fire extinguisher near you? No? Then you better smash that window and take a leap of faith, because that bitch is about to bloooooow!!! But seriously, keep one near in case something does go horribly, horribly wrong…

 Health

1.      Don’t look at that screen too long, because this will be an incredible workout for the eyes. I’m talking weights, treadmill, row machine, the whole deal. And that’s for the eyes! So, just take a break every now and again to prevent eye strain.

2.      Is your chair at the right height for looking at your screen? No? Oh, then I’m sorry, but you are going to die of severe back and neck problems. That’s right, so keep it at the right height if you want to live!

3.      RSI, the usual suspect. Just when you think that typing all day couldn’t do a thing to you and then BAM! Your fingers and wrists are as good as a chocolate dart board or an inflatable fireguard... Wait, uh, something like that. So keep your elbows close, and your hourly breaks closer!

Yeah, it's just some stuff I did in a loooong and booooring ICT lesson a while ago. Hope you like!